~imhere4freedom

I have spent most of my life knowing where i was headed. I knew what I would grow up to be and how proud everyone would be of me. Yet now I'm not so sure. I've worked hard in college to try to make those dreams and apirations come true. Now though I look at that road I had wanted to take so bad and find that it isn't quite where I wanted to go after all. The only problem with this is......when I look around I don't see another road that I wish to follow.

Everything I have tried I have succeeded at yet none of it seems to fit. I still feel like I'm just working because it pays the bills or fills up my time. I look around me and so many others are happy with the roads they choose and I'm still standing here wondering which way to go.....

I thought I had it planned well. I knew just how long it would take for me to get there. I knew how many hours I would have to work and how many things I would have to give up. I was willing to make such sacrifices for my dreams. Yet I'm not sure if those dreams were really dreams or if it was just a safe zone where I knew I couldn't fail. I think in a way I want to fail just once. I want to fall on my face and be told that I'm not any good at a job.

I don't know anymore where it is that I want to be. My camera still feels right in my hands and it still makes me feel like I belong somewhere, but I can't survive on my photos. I can barely make my gallery rent on what I sell. It just seems that I have somehow lost part of me and I'm not sure how to find it....

The worst part of it all is that it feels like I'm walking alone. It seems few others around me understand where I am or how I feel. It seems that they have all found that happy place we all hope to find one day. I'm as always left behind to find my own way and make something of things I don't even understand. Those that do walk with me are so far away or so lost in there own feelings that it is hard to relie on them.....

I just feel like I'm falling farther behind with each step and loosing the little bit of sanity I once had............

BLAH blah BlAh BLah blAH bLaH.......

Working hard or hardly working. A little of both I would say. I have been working very hard lately on a play that a guy I work with is doing. We are recording the kids playing there parts and then me, him, and the music teacher are going to edit it and make it something grand to us at least. I've been working on my photography as well even though I haven't gotten much uploaded yet. I need to get out and get some shots of the flowers that are blooming in the backyard. The tulips and daffadills are in full bloom. Anywho I gotta run lots to do and so little time to do it all. If only I didn't need to sleep I could photography the world all the time.....

Another day of wonderment. I'm slowly getting back into all of this and I can only hope that I can keep it up. Even though my job and stuff starts up again soon. One can only hope for the best. hehe!

Fianlly I get a break from work and all of the other many things that have kept me busy recently. I'm hoping to find some time to work on my photography again but who knows if that will happen. All is not lost because I have been working on two books and I almost have one of them finished. I really thik it will be nice once it's done. Anyways that's about it. Hope you all are doing well.