~imhere4freedom

I have spent most of my life knowing where i was headed. I knew what I would grow up to be and how proud everyone would be of me. Yet now I'm not so sure. I've worked hard in college to try to make those dreams and apirations come true. Now though I look at that road I had wanted to take so bad and find that it isn't quite where I wanted to go after all. The only problem with this is......when I look around I don't see another road that I wish to follow.

Everything I have tried I have succeeded at yet none of it seems to fit. I still feel like I'm just working because it pays the bills or fills up my time. I look around me and so many others are happy with the roads they choose and I'm still standing here wondering which way to go.....

I thought I had it planned well. I knew just how long it would take for me to get there. I knew how many hours I would have to work and how many things I would have to give up. I was willing to make such sacrifices for my dreams. Yet I'm not sure if those dreams were really dreams or if it was just a safe zone where I knew I couldn't fail. I think in a way I want to fail just once. I want to fall on my face and be told that I'm not any good at a job.

I don't know anymore where it is that I want to be. My camera still feels right in my hands and it still makes me feel like I belong somewhere, but I can't survive on my photos. I can barely make my gallery rent on what I sell. It just seems that I have somehow lost part of me and I'm not sure how to find it....

The worst part of it all is that it feels like I'm walking alone. It seems few others around me understand where I am or how I feel. It seems that they have all found that happy place we all hope to find one day. I'm as always left behind to find my own way and make something of things I don't even understand. Those that do walk with me are so far away or so lost in there own feelings that it is hard to relie on them.....

I just feel like I'm falling farther behind with each step and loosing the little bit of sanity I once had............